


if only they knew

by sarayin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-28 08:05:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19808152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarayin/pseuds/sarayin
Summary: a series of instances where peter parker fucks up until he breaks down.thankfully, mr. stark will always be there for him even when no one else will.





	if only they knew

“Sometimes I feel like you try to make my life worse Peter! I just- I can’t deal with this anymore. Not tonight!” 

May stomped over to her room and banged the door so hard that it made Peter flinch. He timidly looked at the mess that was his bedroom. May had entered the house earlier this evening mumbling over her breath, clearly irritated from something that must have happened at work. Peter could bet it was that new boss of hers that she was always complaining about. She marched into the kitchen to see Peter heating up some of last night’s leftovers. But even with enhanced senses and all, Peter was still a total klutz. One foot behind another and he tripped as May walked behind him, dropping the whole pan of food. 

May just stared at him with that deadly stare that made Peter shiver. 

“I-I.. I’m so-”

“Did you clean your room like I asked you to?” May asked in a scarily calm tone. 

“I-”

Before Peter could get a sentence out, May was already on her way to his room. And as a consequence, Peter was standing in his room, all alone after being shouted at. He could hear the faint sound of May turning the shower on. There was no other sound in the house except the shower and the faint hum of the heating system. Peter quietly made his way to the kitchen and cleaned up the mess before making his way to the room and picking up all the dirty laundry strewn across the room. 

If only May knew that Peter had returned home exhausted from patrol and with a pretty nasty bruise on his ribs after fighting off some lowlife thugs. If only May knew that Peter had contemplated on cleaning his room but decided that he should warm up the dinner for when May came home so that she could have hot dinner. If only May knew that every word that she had spoken would stay and make its home in Peter’s mind for a long time to come. If only May knew…

……

Peter had decided to stay clear of being in May’s bad books. His room was kept clean at all times, he only went on patrol once he knew for sure May was asleep and came back before she awoke. Patrol had been getting harder lately and with midterms coming up, studies were piling up. Lets just say that the amount of sleep Peter was getting was not what the doctor ordered. On top of all that, he had to present the project that Mr. Stark had given him for the internship to him the next day on friday. 

He was making his way down the hallway while mentally calculating how he is going to be spending the rest of the day. He had to work late on Mr. Stark’s project, get started with his English assignment, wrap up his Physics assignment that was due tomorrow, make time for patrol and maybe, if he could find the time, sleep. 

He was so busy being zoned out that he missed Ned calling his name out. It was finally the third time being called out that Peter registered his name and turned around to face his best friend. 

“What’s going on dude?” he asked, concerned. 

“Sorry man, didn’t hear you. What’s up?” 

“We still on for tonight?” Ned asked excitedly. 

“... Tonight?” Peter asked, unsure of the plan. 

“My new PS4 game? We’re gonna test it out after we get done with the physics assignment? Ring any bells?” Ned asked, obviously a bit annoyed. 

Peter suddenly remember the plan that they had made the day they placed the order for the PS4 game. He had completely forgotten and there was no way he could do it tonight with the project and-

“Let me guess. You’re busy with patrol,” Ned stated, deadpanned before Peter could even get a word out. 

“I-” Peter started to explain.

“I get it dude,” Ned spoke, discreetly rolling his eyes. 

“I’m sorry Ned, it’s just that-”

“You know what man? I’ll see you around.” With that, Ned turned around and walked in the other direction leaving Peter alone. 

If only Ned knew that Peter really, really wanted to come to his house and spend time with him. If only Ned knew that Peter had missed him lately, so much. If only Ned knew that his expression when he left would stick around in Peter’s head for a long time and haunt him. If only Ned knew…

….. 

Peter was decidedly in a bad mood. He had been working on this project for four hours now but it just. Kept. glitching. He had checked the code about a thousand times and he could not, for the life of him, find a flaw. His head was hurting, he was still left with his assignment, he hadn’t even started patrol and it was already 2 a.m. and, and, and-

Stop. Peter took a deep breath and shook his head. He decided to take a break and go on patrol. Late night was the best time to catch robbers red-handed. With this thought, Peter swung from his window outside. He could feel his eyes drooping a little as he peacefully swung around the city. The cool breeze felt serene as it brushed against his body. He could just close his eyes right now and just sleep and-

Suddenly, a gunshot rang through the air and shook Peter awake. He immediately recalibrated his course and swiftly moved towards the sound. On reaching, he saw a woman slumped against a wall, her hands pressed to her torso in an attempt to stop the bleeding. However, the person who had shot the gun was nowhere in sight. Peter landed on the ground and caught the shivering woman’s eyes. He motioned for her to not make a sound to which she nodded and subtly motioned towards the inside of the alley where the person with the gun must have went. 

Peter swiftly made his way inside and surely, the man jumped in an attempt to catch him by surprise. Thanks to Peter’s reflexes, he catches the punch that the man throws at him and the next one too. He tries to spin the man around and tackle him to the ground but the butt of the gun hits his head in the process. Hard. It takes a few moments for Peter to shake his head and get back in focus. The man uses this time to land a nasty punch and a kick to Peter’s ribs. Peter groans but gains the upper hand in the fight pretty quickly. Within minutes he has the man on his stomach with his hands tied with the web and Karen calling the police. 

Pleased with his work Peter turns around to find a haunting sight. The lady, who couldn’t be more than 30, is sitting slumped against the wall. Her eyes are open and out of focus. Peter rushes to her side in a hurry and checks for a pulse. 

There isn’t any. 

Peter falls back as he takes in her face. 

This isn’t the first time Peter has encountered death on his patrols. There had been instances with armed robberies where the police got involved and there was a shoot out and people got hurt. But never like this. Never innocent people. Like Ben. Like this lady. 

Peter couldn’t fully process what had happened. He gently closed the woman’s eyes and backed away from her. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered even though she couldn’t hear him. She will never be able to hear him. He backed away, knowing that the police will be here any moment. Knowing that he should’ve asked Karen to call the ambulance first. Knowing that he could’ve fought the man faster and saved her. Knowing that her blood was on his hands. 

Peter doesn’t remember swinging back home, doesn’t remember collapsing on his bed and shivering despite the heating being on. Shivering, not from the cold, but from the woman’s face in his memories. Doesn’t want to remember the tear that dropped from his eyes as he slipped into unconsciousness.

….. 

Peter made it to school absolutely exhausted. It felt like his eyes were swollen to three times their size. When he sat in class and the teacher started speaking, Peter felt like he couldn’t concentrate on one word. He decided that today was going to be one of those days that he just had to survive somehow. Making notes was not even on his agenda, today he just had to somehow sit through all his classes. 

He had been doing well on this plan today. The classes passed by as Peter either stared at the clock, the wall or his notebook. He spent lunch in the boy’s washroom as when he had walked into the cafeteria, he saw Ned laughing and chatting animatedly with some of the Decathlon members. Somehow, Peter didn’t want to ruin that for his best friend. Now, Peter was sitting in his last class for the day. 

He was once again, keeping his head down and doodling mindlessly in his notebook when he heard his name being called out by the teacher. 

“Peter Parker? Peter?”

Peter looked up at his teacher staring at him expectantly. 

“The assignment Mr. Parker?” his teacher said with a sigh, “You have to submit it.”

The assignment. Peter had completely forgotten to do his assignment with all the… events of yesterday. 

“I- I… I don’t have it Ms. Kelly,” Peter replied as his classmates began to snigger. 

Ms. Kelly looked at him pointedly. “Detention, starting next week,” she said in a sharp tone. 

Peter didn’t nod or show any expression. If only Ms. Kelly knew that the only thing on Peter’s mind were his long list of failures. From May’s anger to Ned’s disappointment to that lady’s pale face. 

If only she knew… 

….. 

Peter made his way out of school, numb. His phone buzzed letting him know that Happy was here to pick him up. His time in physics class had reminded him that he hadn’t completed his project to show Mr. Stark either. Just one more person to add to the list of people that hated Peter; whose relationships Peter had fucked up. 

Peter slipped into the expensive car quietly and stared out the window as Happy started driving. 

“Good afternoon to you too sunshine,” Happy grunted out as the divider between them went up. 

Amongst the thoughts that clouded his head, Peter had forgotten the basic courtesy of saying hi to Happy and thanking him for coming all the way over to pick him up. Now though, a divider separated the two of them and all Peter could see was his own hazy reflection staring back at him. 

Great, another person who Peter managed to piss off. 

The car ride passed by with Peter mentally berating himself for all that had been happening. On reaching a stop, Happy got out of the car as always to open the door for him and Peter consciously rehearsed saying thank you to him in his head. 

He stepped out of the car, “Thank you Ha-”

Before he could complete his sentence, Peter found himself on the ground tripping over his own shoelace. 

“God, what a mess! Can you do anything right?” The older man said angrily as Peter managed to get up hastily, his cheeks red from embarrassment. He clutched his bag to his chest tightly as he felt tears pricking at his eyes. 

“Sorry,” Peter whispered but he doubts that he could hear. Peter made his way into the compound before he had to face Happy again but in his haste, he bumped into something. 

“Whoa, whoa, Bambi. You got lost there?” 

Peter turned around to find none other than Tony staring back at him. He was the literal definition of deer in the headlight as he stared back at his mentor, his bag still tightly clutched to his chest. 

“You ready with your project, Spider-boy?” Tony spoke as he started walking towards the lab, “I, for one, am very excited to see what you came up with. The challenge wasn’t easy but you know what they say right-”

Suddenly, Tony stopped in his tracks and turned around to look at Peter who had not moved from his spot. His hands were clutching the bag as if his life depended on it, his eyes had a watery sheen to them and he looked completely pale. Something was wrong. 

“Kid, you okay?” Tony spoke gently, moving slowly towards the scared boy.

Peter gulped. His heart was beating fast and his mouth was completely dry. He hadn’t done the project. Now Mr. Stark would be mad at him too. First May, then Ned, Ms. Kelly, the lady. Oh god, the lady was dead. Peter didn’t even know her name. She probably had a family. Peter didn’t know and now she is dead and his project is incomplete and he has detention and-

“Hey, hey, breathe kid? You hear me,” Tony spoke gently and hovered his hands on his shoulders so as to not frighten the boy. Once he knew Peter wouldn’t use his spider strength on him, Tony gently but firmly gripped the boy’s shoulders in an attempt to ground him. It worked. As soon as Tony’s hands gripped his shoulders, it seemed that Peter snapped out of whatever spiral he was into. His eyes came into focus and a few tears escaped from his eyes. Peter locked his eyes with Tony who was counting down to help with Peter’s breathing. 

Peter tried to listen but the panic in his head was louder than Tony’s gentle voice. 

“I- I didn’t finish the project,” Peter stuttered out once he could get some oxygen into his system. 

“That’s okay,” Tony spoke softly, still keeping his grip firm on the shaking kid, “That’s okay Pete, we’ll figure it out today, no problem.” 

“A- A lady died, an-and,” Peter gasped for air as more tears fell out. He adjusted his tight grip on his backpack and took a breath before starting again. “A lady d-died on patrol and-and my room was messy and,” he just wanted to tell it all, he wanted to tell Tony everything, “and I disappointed Ned ag-again and my Physics- my detention and- I forgot to say thank you to Happy!” Peter let out a choked sob as Tony pulled Peter to his chest. Peter didn’t wrap his arms around Tony, still clutching his backpack but with his grip slightly relaxed as he let the tears fall on his mentor’s jacket. Tony ran a hand through the kid’s hair as he made contact with Happy. He had listened in on everything and looked at the boy with a mixture of guilt and concern. 

Tony shifted his attention back to the shaking teenager and gripped him tighter. 

“It’s okay kid. I’m here, alright. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

Tony’s heart broke for the kid and he was gonna make it right, he promised himself.

**Author's Note:**

> just a small piece. there may be a second part. 
> 
> please let me know what you guys think!


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